How many times have you crashed into bed at the end of a really long day and thought: "Where was the big moment today? Everything was just so average." I've definitely said this more than I would like to admit. In fact, there was a season in my life when I would go to bed and joy would not be one of the things I'd recall about the day. I'd constantly ask myself why I wasn't feeling joy and I'd always come to the conclusion that it was because there weren't any big moments, just a bunch of ordinary minutes which turned into average hours. The same thing every single day. I tried making a routine, investing into (the wrong) friendships, watching videos, you name it I tried it, but nothing worked. I was reading the bible and praying with my family every night, but I was lacking personal relationship with God. I remember very clearly one night, after a particularly hard day, I just broke down and prayed, "Lord, I'm hurting. I can't do this anymore, I need You. Have Your throne in my heart, I'm Yours to use."
I would love to tell you that it was an instant fix, but that wouldn't be true. However, I did feel such a big weight lift off my shoulders. To be honest, merely being reminded again that I wasn't alone and that there is a God who is willing to listen to me for hours and stand with me through anything was a blessing in itself.
The days and weeks that followed were still very similar to what I had been experiencing before, but there was one big difference...I was beginning to experience joy in the small moments. I was going outside and smiling at the beautiful butterflies, the grass swaying in the breeze and the flowers springing up. I was seeing the power in working in the field with my dad, family dinners and going on walks. I even found that I was enjoying school more!
You see Friend, I had been relying on worldly things to make me happy and I finally realized that the world wasn't enough - that the world could only offer temporary satisfaction - so I decided to stop waiting for the big moments to give me brief joy and I started to let God fill me up through His word every morning, I worshipped in bed at 1am when I couldn't sleep and I started praying intentional prayers. Once I had put God back in the centre of my life, opportunities that I could only have dreamt of started popping up all over the place and I met some pretty cool people - I could see God's hand in everything and I was amazed at all the ways He was working. John 15:5 is a verse which brought so much understanding and truth for me and it says: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." God is the source and we receive from Him and Him alone. He is always faithful, constant and never runs out. Doing life with God requires us to close some doors that may be swinging wide open, but it opens doors that we don't even know exist.
Here are some tangible steps you can take:
• Seek the Lord
You see Friend, the world can never satisfy us - only God can. He calls us into intimate relationship with Him and promises to fill us up. His Word says: "For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." (Psalm 107:9) God is the source of all goodness, so run to Him! He longs for relationship with you more than you could ever long for relationship with Him. The difference in how I go about my day is so obvious if I didn't spend time pursuing Christ that morning. Saturate yourself in His Word daily.
• Flee from the lies
This is different for everyone, but for me it was simply unfollowing a bunch of accounts on Instagram that kept making me feel unworthy and like I wasn't doing enough. I know it can seem scary, you may have been following them for years! But 1 John 2:15 says: "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." I can honestly say that removing the constant stream of 'perfect' pictures that were making me think less of myself, produced so much fruit in so many different areas of my life. It made room for my heart to grow in Christ and to not be distracted by any feelings of unworthiness.
• Join community
This can be hard for loads of people, and especially for me because I'm definitely more of an introvert. BUT it is so important for us to have strong relationships with our friends, because they can lovingly grow with us and lead us closer to the Lord. - Psalm 133:1"Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!" If you find yourself falling back into your old ways you can have the assurance of knowing that you have friends who are ready to help intentionally guide you back to the truth. They can build you up and you can pour love and truth into each other's lives.
Before I finish I want you to know that you are so loved. You are appreciated. You are not alone. But you can't keep turning to the world in an attempt to bury your pain further and to satisfy a need that only the Lord can. In Galatians 2:20 Paul speaks: "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." When God gave His life for us He didn't leave it at that and say, "Well, humanity's sin has been covered, my work is done." He desires intimate relationship with us and promises that if we draw near to Him then He will draw near to us (James 4:8). There is so much joy to be found in Christ, but you need to surrender first, admit that you can't do life alone anymore and turn from your past ways of living.
He is love. He is peace. He is joy. The only way you can walk in that joy is by knowing Him and that means spending time with Him. Set time out to find Him in the heartbreak, in the victory and in the average. That means opening your bible every day and walking into the day anchored in the truth of God.
I know the struggle. I've experienced it. But I know that God has so much more for you. Trust me, life is so much richer when you let God into the small moments. Walk in truth. Walk in love. Walk in His presence.
In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
(Psalm 16:11)
Larah xx
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